Millie Holloman
hopes that
sharing her
journey from
foster parent
to Vera Wren’s
adoptive mother
motivates
others to make
a difference in
the lives of foster
august 2017
M
2WAYS TO BECOME A
f poastreern t
OORE SAYS people seeking
to foster or adopt children need to be lov-ing,
nurturing, and flexible, and have a lot of
patience.
Rachelle and Bill Dries chose to foster and
adopt when they discovered they couldn’t have
a child of their own. They knew from the
outset that they wanted a child to keep and
desired an infant. They went through a
lengthy vetting process with the
North Carolina Children’s
Home Society and were
told they might have to
wait up to two years
for a baby. In reality,
it happened in one
month.
“We believed from
the outset that she was
meant to be our child,”
Rachelle says.
They chose an open adop-tion
— the birth parent knows
who the adoptive parents are — and
opted to take full legal risk during
the first week after the birth. This
meant that during the seven-day
period when the birth mother can
change her mind, they were allowed
to take the baby home instead of
having her taken into temporary
foster care.
The toughest part for Rachelle was
leaving the hospital.
“I had no idea the depth of emo-tion
children.
I would feel watching the birth mom say
goodbye to the baby,” she says.
They took a leap of faith and it turned out
fine. A couple of years later, they adopted
another baby girl privately. There were some
bumps along the road, and Rachelle and Bill
helped the mom with her expenses and donated
to Wilmington’s Domestic Violence Shelter and
Services, Inc.
They have good relationships with both the
birth moms and want the girls, now ages 12
and 10, to meet them and ask questions when
they are ready. They meanwhile reassure them,
“The decision to give their children up for
adoption was made out of love.”
The adoption process can be challenging, but
for people considering adoption, Rachelle says
to not let fear outweigh the joy.
Cato says she strives to be the mom she
wanted to have. Counseling has helped her come
to terms with her adoptive journey. Although she
says, “I never had a voice in my own story,” she
advises parents who foster and adopt not to try to
fix their children’s feelings but to give them a safe
place to express them.
There will be tough moments and
there will be heartache. But, as
Holloman said on “Good
Morning America,” it is
worth it.
PHOTO BY JOY PROUTY
“I hear a lot of peo-ple,
when I tell them
I’m fostering, say they
could never do it, it’s
just too hard,” she says.
“It is hard. I’ve had a lot
of kids leave, and it’s tough
to see them leave. But it’s also
really rewarding. We get to make a
difference in the kids’ lives.”
She unquestionably made a dif-ference
in the life of Vera Wren,
who was 2 when Holloman took
her in for respite care. Holloman
soon became her full-time foster
parent and mothered her for a year
before the child was available for
adoption.
Holloman says it felt very isolat-ing
knowing she wanted Vera Wren,
but didn’t want to get too emo-tionally
involved until the court granted the
adoption. It was some time before the parents
relinquished their rights, so Holloman sought
and found support from a foster moms’ group
connected to The Bair Foundation.
Holloman, her brother and her sister-in-law
used their photography skills to capture images
of the people involved in the process the day
Vera Wren was officially adopted. Holloman
is likely to do it again if she’s able to adopt the
little boy she’s also been fostering.
People say how lucky the kids are to have a
foster family, but Holloman knows she is fortu-nate
to have the children.
“They’ve changed me more than I’ve changed
them,” she says.
During the process of becom-ing
a foster parent with
New Hanover County Social
Services, potential foster par-ents
initially receive a home
visit by a social worker who
explains the program and
answers any questions. Parents
may then be invited to com-plete
30 hours of classes over
five weeks. Parents must sub-mit
to a background check, be
fingerprinted, receive a physi-cal,
and have a fire inspection.
The path to licensing takes up
to six months.
Fostering through The Bair
Foundation, a private agency,
involves 13 weeks of classes
(approximately 60 hours of
training), first aid, CPR certifica-tion,
and medication adminis-tration.
Trainees then have the
same checks as with social ser-vices
and complete necessary
paperwork. Whether training is
done through a private agency
or social services, all licenses
are issued by the state.
PHOTO BY MILLIE HOLLOMAN PHOTOGRAPHY
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