Loop Bloopers

BY Richard Leder

If you live here on Wrightsville Beach anywhere near Wrightsville Beach or anywhere in New Hanover County for that matter you’ve spent time doing Wrightsville’s Loop. Don’t deny it. We know you have. Maybe it was only once or maybe it’s once every day but certainly you’ve strolled jogged or walked your dog around our gorgeous 2.45-mile pathway admiring the sights breathing the salt air and wishing you could get here more often than you do (Yes even the once-a-dayers wish that wish!). The fact is if you’ve done it even once that makes you a Looper. And once a Looper always a Looper.

There is a spoken and unspoken etiquette expected from those of us looping the Loop. If these considerate behaviorisms have recently escaped you or if you’re pleading the Fifth altogether here is a list of our top 10 Looper Bloopers.

10: Jogger Expectoration

It’s bad form for joggers to spit while running the Loop. It’s probably bad form anywhere but on the Loop especially saliva is for swallowing.

9: No Need To Shout; We Can Hear You

The Loop in case you’ve forgotten is surrounded by water so the sound bounce-back is way pronounced especially at night and early in the morning when it’s quiet. Keep your voice down unless you want everyone in the houses along the route to know what you did last weekend.

8: Play Nice On The Salisbury Street Bridge

Talk about a narrow passage! Watch your elbows on the bridges please. No one likes a sharp jab in the ribs.

7:  We Like Your Dog As Much As The Next Looper But …

Really we like your dog almost as much as you do. It’s just that when we and our own dogs are concentrating on our looping we don’t much appreciate an up-close encounter with an out-of-control canine even one as loveable as yours. Keep your leashed dogs close. If you do it we’ll do it. We promise.

6: We Like Your Children As Much As The Next Looper But …

Okay so children don’t bite – well actually they do though probably not as hard as dogs – but they are often small-fryish and easy to trip over when darting in front of us and then they get hurt and we get hurt and nobody wins. We know it’s hard but if you’re bringing your kids to the Loop leash them and … no no only kidding … just make sure you know where they are and keep them out of everyone’s way.

5: Big Wheels Keep On Turning … Not!

No bikes on the Loop. It’s not just bad manners; it’s against the law. Yes yes of course it would be a beautiful ride but we don’t do it and neither should you. Did we mention that it’s against the law?

4: Two’s Company Three’s A Crowd

Never was that saying more applicable than on the Loop. Three abreast is too many abreast whether coming or going; either way the rest of us are out in the street. Three abreasters who expect us to get out of their way are endorsing an entirely untenable predicament. All you three-abreasters think of it as a challenge a new dance or extra exercise and do thusly: When a singleton or a duo approach enact a quick dissolve until they’ve passed and then initiate an instant reformation into your line of three. The more you practice the better you’ll get. Other Loopers will applaud your mastery of these meaningful maneuvers.

3: Slower Traffic Keep Right

We know you’re the fastest runner in your office but this isn’t your office. This is the Loop. Just like our highways it can get crowded out here. Move to the right when being passed please. Moms and dads with strollers this means you too. We’ll take a look at your beautiful baby as we’re speeding past you unless you’re moving faster than we are. In that case we’ll take a look as you’re passing us. You know why? Because we’ll be moving to the right.

2: Ewwww It’s Really Really Gross

Do we have to say it? Pick up after your pooch people. Poop on the Loop is the nastiest bloop. We don’t want to see it smell it step in it or anything else. It’s rude it’s crude and yes it’s lewd … and it’s against the law! We’re not above a bit of begging: Please please please keep the Loop clean. It’s everybody’s Loop but not everybody’s poop.

1: We Live In The South Y’all

Not just in the South at the beach in the South. Not just at the beach in the South but at the very coolest most beautiful and happening beach in the South. If a fellow Looper smiles and says “Hey ” say “Hey” back. Polite is better than impolite any way you slice it.