Two Wilmington, North Carolina, mothers share their journey of recovery. Each mother found support for herself as a member of a Twelve Step program. The program was developed by Alcoholics Anonymous in 1935. The group published the Twelve Traditions in 1946. Since that time, other Twelve Step programs like Al-Anon, Alateen and Narcotics Anonymous have followed the AA template. Beginning with the early stages of denial through awareness of their sons’ addictions to alcohol and drugs, each mother found support. Because each has an adult child who is working through a recovery program, and because each is committed to her own recovery process, with respect for their identity, we have changed their names to protect their anonymity. ann’s story For me, I grew up with a functional alcoholic. He kept his job; we never suffered, but he still could not live day to day without drinking. I knew my son was an alcoholic before my husband did. My husband was in so much denial. It was probably two or three years of me feeling pretty awful, telling him: “I think my son’s an alcoholic.” My son drank every night until he passed out, got up and went to work. We didn’t know what to do. We hid it. We spilled it. We withheld money, whatever. We had gone to the program a year before he was arrested. He was arrested for an action he had taken when he was completely drunk. Ann’s son was a peace officer. betty’s story I was in denial for years. My son stole from me. My son said he didn’t drink. He didn’t like the way it felt. We thought, “That’s great! Our son doesn’t drink!” We didn’t think to ask him if he was using drugs. I was blindsided. My qualifier, my son, was addicted to heroin. His best friend died Sunday night. They bought bags and I guess my son got the good bag. My son had taken him home. Monday morning we called our minister; that was our first reach out. Tuesday, we called our attorney, and then Wednesday we saw our doctor. The neighbor was grieving because her 23-year-old son died in the garage. These are our neighbors and my son was with him, they may think my son may have injected him that night with the drugs. He felt obligated to do a treatment plan and program, and then relapsed. That’s when I reached out, and grew and came to Al-Anon. the first meeting ANN Ninety-nine percent of the people who go to a support group think they’re going to stop their child, spouse, loved one from drinking or using. Most people walk out very disappointed after that first meeting, because you didn’t give them the information they wanted. Parents may leave the first meeting, thinking,“My kid’s not as bad as that,” or “I’m not as bad off as these people.” If parents could really understand they could go into a support group and trust the honesty of the people in there and the ano-nymity, because for me, and for so many people who come into the room there is the fear of someone reacting: “Look, Mary’s here. Oh wait until I go back to church and tell them Mary was at the meeting.” It’s very hard to walk into that first meeting alone. I had the benefit of my husband with me so I never felt alone, but I could see it being overwhelming. Try six different meetings before you say: “No, this is not for me.” BETTY I started a program with psychiatrists/psychologists. You can only meet with them on an every other week basis. Their advice was, “You gotta get into a support group, you gotta get some help, you gotta get ahold of yourself.” 29 www.wrightsvillebeachmagazine.com WBM
Wrightsville Beach Magazine May 2015
To see the actual publication please follow the link above